sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
