And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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