you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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