My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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