While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
