The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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