So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
