its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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