Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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