That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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