Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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