there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize