PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
