In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
