I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
