I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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