one two three fourrrrnication!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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