so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
