i just google imaged poop.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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