I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
