You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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