Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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