dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
