I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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