the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
