dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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