he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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