words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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