and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Terrible idea I love it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
