I seem to have left my pride at pride
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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