He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
