No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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