very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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