Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
