These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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