I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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