You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
