I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
