The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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