Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
