so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
