Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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