I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
