I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
