Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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