The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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