couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
