I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
