So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
