I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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