i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
