Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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