No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
