I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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