So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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