Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
