got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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