I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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