Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
