I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
