I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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