After last night, I could never be a politician.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
