Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
