you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize