What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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