pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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