What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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