I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
