David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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