I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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