Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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