wrigley field is MILF paradise
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
