I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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