I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
