My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
