did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
