Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
