I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize